How to Let Go of Things You Can’t Control: The “Let Them” and “Let Me” Mindset

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Uncertainty feels heavy these days. Maybe you’ve felt it, too—a sense of unease and tension that seems to linger no matter how the day unfolds.

The world is loud right now. News cycles roll out worrisome stories, daily life brings new challenges, and sometimes it feels like the stakes just keep rising.

When these worries start to stack up, it’s easy to feel powerless, anxious, or like you’re carrying the weight of everything on your own shoulders.

But here’s the truth: it’s possible to find steadiness. It’s possible to let go of the things you can’t control and place your focus where it makes a real difference.

There’s a practical approach for these hard times. It starts with two simple phrases:

“Let Them” and “Let Me.”

Why So Many of Us Feel Overwhelmed Right Now

Everywhere you look, something seems to be shifting—sometimes for the better, but often in ways that leave us feeling unsettled. The headlines rarely take a day off.

Whether you’re following world news, local politics, or personal relationships, that feeling of uncertainty can creep in and set up camp in your mind.

It’s natural to want to take control when life feels shaky. Our brains are wired to look for safety, to make sense of chaos, to create plans.

But too often, we find ourselves tangled up trying to manage situations no one could possibly command.

Politics that don’t reflect our voice, economies that tumble and soar without warning, loved ones who face their own struggles—these things aren’t ours to fix.

And you’re not alone if this leaves you feeling overwhelmed or on edge.

Recognizing what you can’t control is the first step to reclaiming power.

What’s Beyond Your Reach—And What’s Truly Yours

It helps to get clear on what actually falls within your reach, versus what’s outside your hands.

Things You Can’t Control

Here are just a few of the big ones:

• Political events and elections

• Changes in the economy or job market

• Global conflicts or acts of hatred

• Rising living costs or housing prices

• Other people’s health, struggles, or decisions

• The actions or words of others

• The future, including what will or won’t happen

Go ahead and add your own worries to this list if you want.

It’s helpful to see, right there in black and white, what you’ve spent energy fighting that isn’t truly yours to command.

Mel Robbins: The ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life-Changing Hack That 15M People Can’t Stop Talking About)

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Your Zone of Power

Now, center yourself for a second. Picture a small circle. That’s you—your thoughts, choices, energy, and the way you show up every day.

This is your “Let Me” zone. Everything outside this circle is the noise. You can’t turn the world off, but you can decide how much of your power you give away to things outside your control.

It’s not about putting on blinders or pretending you don’t care. It’s about protecting your mind and your energy, turning inward without shutting the world out, and choosing where you put your time.

If you want to read more and dig into this approach, the Let Them Theory book goes deeper.

How Obsessing Over the Uncontrollable Hurts You

There’s a real cost to living life with your mind outside your own circle.

The more you brace against what’s coming, the tighter you hold onto things you can’t manage, and the more your body pays the price.

When your mind is stuck in worry, your nervous system ramps up for battle.

Your body’s natural “fight or flight” response switches on, flooding you with stress hormones and narrowing your ability to think clearly.

This isn’t just a feeling. Science shows your amygdala—the part of your brain responsible for danger scanning—flares up, making it harder to solve problems and regulate emotions.

Signs You’re Stuck in Stress Mode

1. You find yourself pulled into endless scrolling through negative headlines or social media.

2. You watch TV numbly, zoning out instead of unwinding.

3. You wake up feeling unease or dread that won’t let go.

4. Your self-talk slips negative and feels relentless.

Too much time spent here starts to feel like drowning in thoughts and feelings that don’t move you forward. Chronic stress doesn’t just rob your peace—it actually makes you feel less in control.

Trying to control the uncontrollable only makes you feel more powerless.

The “Let Them” Theory: A New Way to Free Yourself

There’s a gentle strength in learning to say “Let Them”—and meaning it. It’s a practice rooted in wisdom, with a nod to the old lessons of Stoicism and the kindness of true detachment.

What This Mindset Looks Like

Imagine two buckets. Everything you can’t control—other people’s beliefs, the cost of groceries, next week’s weather—goes in one bucket. That’s your “Let Them” bucket.

Your job is to acknowledge those things, and instead of carrying them, name them and set them down.

The other bucket is the “Let Me” bucket. Here is where your power lives.

This is where you get to decide: Let me focus on my values. Let me be present for myself. Let me care for my well-being and work on what matters to me.

It may sound simple, but the smallest shift makes all the difference.

“When you say ‘Let Me,’ you take control of your thoughts, time, and energy.”

Many people find this is different from trying to just “let it go,” which often feels like losing a fight. “Let Them” is about accepting reality, not giving in.

You’re not letting someone or something win—you’re refusing to give away your peace for something that isn’t yours to manage.

Daily Tools to Practice “Let Them” and “Let Me”

Stepping into this mindset takes practice, and a few simple tools make it easier.

1. Use “Let Them” as a Reset Button

When you notice your stress rising over the news, or a friend’s choices, or a problem you can’t solve, silently say: Let them. Let the election play out. Let your boss decide what kind of manager to be. Let the market do what it will.

Remind yourself, with gentleness, that you cannot bend these things to your will. And that’s okay.

2. Lean Into “Let Me” Each Morning

Each day, pledge to focus on what you can control:

• Let me double down on my values.

• Let me show up as I want to be.

• Let me care for my health, my boundaries, and my dreams.

• Let me protect my time and energy.

If you make a habit of writing these down or repeating them as a morning mantra, you’ll find it roots you in peace, even when chaos knocks.

3. Relationships: Let Them Be Who They Are

We all have people in our lives who think differently from us, maybe even people who push our buttons. Family, friends, partners, coworkers—each comes with their own beliefs and habits.

Let them have their journey. If you need to step back to protect your own peace, that’s okay, too. You always get to choose the role you want others to play in your life. Sometimes that means giving space, sometimes it means leaning in with compassion, even when you disagree.

The Let Them Theory book on Amazon is full of practical steps for handling these moments with grace.

Facing the Unknown and Taking the First Step Forward

Fear often shows up when we don’t know what’s coming. We’re wired to seek safety and routine. Yet, when your mind grabs onto what could go wrong, it tends to spin—sometimes leaving you frozen.

If you’re facing a loss, a health challenge, or a big unknown, it’s easy to feel stuck. But naming your fear, seeing it for what it is—something outside your control—frees you to bring your energy back home.

Your life isn’t over. Even if you’re facing a setback that lasts weeks or months, your power isn’t gone. Focus on small steps within your reach. Maybe today it’s just saying, “Let me believe it’s possible for things to change.” That’s a beginning.

Navigating Relationships With Different Beliefs and Values

There will always be people whose views or choices feel hard to accept. Wanting a loved one to share your values is normal. Trying to force that change? Only frustration follows.

It helps to accept you cannot change what another person thinks, feels, or does. Neuroscientists even show that when someone feels pressed to take a different view, their mind snaps shut.

True change—if it comes—only happens when the person chooses it for themselves.

Here’s where “Let Them” becomes a gift for everyone involved. Let them be as they are. Let me decide what matters to me, how much space I share, and what I need to feel healthy.

Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do is give both yourself and others the room to grow at your own pace.

Protecting Your Power and Creating Peace

Every time you give too much time or energy to what other people do—whether it’s endless hours at a workplace that drains you, or letting social media dictate your mood—you’re giving away your power.

It can be easy to forget just how much choice you have. The decision to turn off the news, to set limits with difficult people, to focus on your kindness and curiosity—these are the real sources of calm and creativity.

Pay attention to where your thoughts go. Limit your exposure to things that drain you. Choose the people and experiences that fill your cup.

Even in the darkest seasons, these small choices light the way forward.

About the Let Them Theory Book

The Let Them Theory book was created as a guide for these very moments. Inside, you’ll find:

• Simple ways to stop giving your power away to others’ choices and the world’s chaos

• Practical steps for managing your emotions, even when it feels impossible

• Insights from neuroscience on stress, control, and change

• Guidance for handling relationships, especially with people who challenge your peace

You can grab your copy in hardcover, audiobook, or Kindle formats at Amazon.

You Are More Powerful Than You Think

If you feel scared, anxious, or uncertain about what’s ahead, you are not alone. It’s human to want answers, to long for certainty. But you don’t have to give away your days or your peace to things you can’t control.

Your power lives inside every choice you make—what you think, where you put your attention, how you respond to a challenge, and the kindness you bring to those you love (including yourself).

Start with one small change. Whenever life outside your circle pulls you in, whisper: Let them. Then, return home to yourself and say: Let me.

You have the power. You always have, and you always will.